Life can be stressful, and it can be difficult to navigate all of the challenges that come our way. That’s why relationships are so important, and it is why I wanted to share with you the four different people we all need in our lives.

To be clear, I did not come up with what I am about to type. Last week, I had the opportunity to listen to Dr. Adam Saenz speak at the TSSSA conference, and this was part of his presentation. He was discussing the journey that all of us go through, and then he shared the purpose of these four people in our lives. He referred to these four people as our “Dream Team.”

Meet The Dream Team

SAGE

The sage is the “steering wheel” in our lives. They give us guidance. They show us what is possible. Think of them as Dumbledore or Yoda. When things get messy, sometimes it is useful to have that person we can go to that can help us see a clear path forward. They help us think through next steps. To identify who the sage is in our lives, we ask, “Who will offer me guidance?”

Hero

The hero is the “gas pedal” in our lives. They call the excellence out of us. They challenge us to do more and be more. They give us tough love when we need it. To identify the hero in our lives, we ask, “Who will always demand greatness from me?”

Caregiver

The caregiver is the “brake pedal” in our lives. Their core desire is to protect and care for others. They encourage us to slow down and take care of ourselves. They fill us up. They nurture us. They give us “sweet love.” To identify the caregiver in our lives, we ask, “Who will always nurture me?”

Everyman

The everyman is the “co-pilot” in our lives. They are your “ride-or-die.” They’ve seen you at your best and at your worst, and they always make you feel connected and comfortable. They are not there to make us go fast or slow. They are just along for the journey, and they embrace us no matter what. To identify the everyman in our lives, we ask, “With whom do I always feel connected and comfortable?”

So What?

I think it is important to recognize who these people are and lean into those relationships. If we know who these people are in our lives, we will know who to call on when we need them. Dr. Saenz also recommended sending a quick text to one of the members of your dream team. He encouraged us to send a text that says, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you’re my _________, and I appreciate you for it.” That message shows them that you are thinking about them and that you value them. It also leads to a more in-depth conversation at a later date because they are likely going to respond with, “What the heck is an everyman?” Tell them that you’ll explain it to them later, and at that point, you can create an opportunity to get together and encourage that person as you explain to them how important they are to you.

What Else?

The pinnacle of mental health is to be able to be your own dream team. Dr. Saenz gave us four statements that we can use to validate our ability to be our own dream team:

“I know I can be my own sage. I have wisdom. These are 3 excellent decisions I’ve made…”

“I can be my own hero. I have superpowers. These are three amazing things I have accomplished…”

“I know I can be my own caregiver. I have value. These are three things that fill my cup…”

“I know I can be my own everyman. I have self-acceptance. These are three things I love about myself…”

We might not be able to be our own dream team just yet. However, I think going through these four exercises can be a super healthy exercise.

Final Thoughts

Once we know who our dream team is, we should develop those relationships. 

If we don’t have a sage in our lives, we should be seeking one out. It may be hard to identify “warm body sages” as we get older. When that happens, we can find our sage through studying and reading about great people in history. There is a lot of wisdom to be found in books.

As leaders, I think we have a responsibility to pay attention to what our people need. Which of these dream team members do they need to show up in their lives? Can we adapt and adjust our leadership style to meet that specific need at that specific moment? I think that’s a big part of what we are called to do as leaders.

If you want to drive further into these four dream team members, they were taken from Carl Jung’s 12 Archetypes. This article gives a good breakdown of all twelve of them.

If you are interested in digging further into Dr. Saenz’s work, here are three of his books that I now have on my list to read. I’m a big fan of his work!