What Will They Say About You?
This one will be short(er). I promise.
I went to two funerals this week. One of the funerals was for a man that I had never met, and the other one was for a man that I had only met once before he passed away. I went because they both had family and/or friends that are special to me, and I wanted to be there to show my support for them. What I find very interesting about funerals is that, even if you do not know the person whose life is being celebrated, you can walk away feeling like you’ve known them for years, and that’s exactly what happened to me.
As I sat in these funerals, I got to listen to people get up and speak about how both of these men were heroes to them. Both men served our country in the armed forces (U.S. Army and Marines). Upon leaving the armed forces, both men spent the rest of their lives in service to others. They were very different in how they spoke and how they went about their day to day lives, but they both made a huge impact on the people they came into contact with. If there was a need, they would both set out to meet it. I heard story after story about how “this man helped me beat addiction,” “this man looked out for everyone around him,” or “this man made people feel like they were the most important person in the world.” They both had high expectations, and they pushed the people around them to be the best they could be. Most importantly, they both loved their families, and everything that they did in their lives was about taking care of them.
In both services, I heard very similar words describing these two men. Character… Integrity… Core Values… Giving… Caring… Strong… Work Ethic…
The word that struck me most in one of the funerals was tenacious. “He was tenacious.” Man! What a word to describe someone, especially when you are talking about how they love their family, how they give to those in need, how hard they work on the job site, or how they serve their community.
As I looked at the hundreds of people that attended these two funerals and listened to what they had to say, I started reflecting. It just made me wonder a little bit. Would anyone call me “tenacious” about anything? Would there be stories of real, life-changing impact? Outside of my family, would anyone show up? I don’t ask those questions to go to a dark place. Please don’t think that. Instead, I ask them to challenge myself. I challenge myself to reflect on what I’ve done in the last 38 years and to use that reflection as a way to hone in on what I need to do with whatever time I am lucky enough to have left here on this earth.
There are a few leadership courses out there that start off with a similar activity. The first thing they ask you to do before they get going is to write your own obituary. They want you to reflect on the life you have lived and honestly evaluate what you have done and the impact you have made. Does that obituary reflect the life you thought you would be living up until now? Most people find that, if they are being completely honest, the obituary they come up with in that moment does not reflect the person that they had hoped they would become. The hope of the exercise is that it becomes a wake-up call and a catalyst for change. I did this five or six years ago, but I feel like I need to go through the exercise again.
Sometime this week, I am going to put some words on paper and reflect a little bit more, and that is my challenge for you as well. Reflect on your life. Write an honest obituary for yourself. Do you like what you see? If not, figure out what needs to change, and start changing it. As I have found out in the last week, we are not guaranteed tomorrow, so we better start making the best of today.
May we all live a life that can be described as “tenacious” at our funerals.
To Bill Breese and John Kraft… Thank you for serving our country. Thank you for loving your families tenaciously. Thank you for raising amazing children. Thank you for leaving a legacy of service. Thank you for making the world a better place while you were here. Rest in peace.
The Dash
I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning…to the end.
He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own, the cars..the house…the cash. What matters is how we lived and loved and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.
To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile…remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?
by Linda Ellis